I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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