Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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