so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
