im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.