the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.