you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
