I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How does one acquire holy water?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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