I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
