Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
