I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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