I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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