i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
