Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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