One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
