the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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