ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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