If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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