I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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