you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
