Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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