i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
