Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
