I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
