Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
