my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
