I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
why is half of my head shaved?
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