so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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