He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is wine microwaveable?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
