someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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