Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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