Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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