your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
