You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
