we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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