so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
