Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
