She's JV to your varsity
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
