when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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