If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
