i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
