If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
