don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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