Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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