And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
