I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
