somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
babies were throwing up all over the place
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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