you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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