Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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