I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
