I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
