you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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