i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
