When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
