So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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