remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
