I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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