Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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