We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
