I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
