Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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