Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
