Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
