the new term for farting is butt boxing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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