When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
